First published in May 30, 2011. A tongue in cheek look at modern homoeopathy.
By Priscilla Rowbottom, FHom, DHom, XHom, PQRS (Dip) (Lic), HomQuack
I am so excited, I felt I had to share this with my readers world-wide. I took my first case yesterday using a sensational new method – The Homoeopathy of Emotion. I invented it myself. The name is so catchy, don’t you think? I just felt that all this dry, symptom-based case-taking and repertorisation was so… so limited. Unenlightened. Vibrationally low. After all – what can be expected from a method where they ask you about your…(if you’ll excuse me)…shhh…stools…
Anyway, an asthmatic patient came to my clinic the other day. I do so love having a clinic, I have my name on the door, a secretary outside who runs my appointment book, and I’m very fortunate to have a large clientele. Patients usually only come once or twice – after that they are clearly cured as I never see them again. But there are always more where those came from…
I digress. This asthmatic patient stumbled into my room yesterday. It was urgent – he had been taken ill while arguing with the secretary about the cost of his vitamins.
He sat in the chair, wheezing and blue. It seemed to ease as he sat down, and he croaked “can you get me some ice-cold water, please?” As he sipped the water slowly, the colour returned to his face. He shivered and pulled his sweater on, even though it was quite a warm day. He burped, and grinned, saying “that’s much better… now can you help me with my asthma, doctor?”
I rubbed my hands in glee. What a perfect opportunity to test out my new method! There was clearly not much else to go on…
“Tell me,” I asked, “do you love your wife?”. I do so believe in getting straight to the point.
He looked bemused. I could see I had to press him.
“Do you feel any love in your life?” I asked, putting on my glasses and gazing at him sternly for greater effect.
“Er…yes…um…” he stumbled, “but what’s that got…”
Ah, I noted to myself, there’s a rubric for this, Answering, Aversion to, Refusing to Answer…was it possible that I had arrived at the core of the case within 5 minutes? Of course it was, after all, I always do…
“You must know,” I lectured, “we treat the whole human being! We must know all facets of your case before we can prescribe! Now tell me, do you, or do you not love your wife?”
“I’m not married,” he responded, somewhat sheepishly.
“Well, why not?” I pressed on regardless, one does have to be relentless in this inspiring work. “Are you sexually impaired?”
“What?” he asked, looking dazed. “Why-?”
I had clearly hit the center now. Male Genitalia, Sexual Desire, Wanting.
I quickly wrote out a prescription for Phosphoric Acid 10M and sent him on his way. He appeared to be wheezing as he left, and as he was settling his bill I heard some shouting, a thump and then frenzied cries for an ambulance.
I’m sure he’s doing much better as a result of my prescription as I haven’t seen him since…
In conclusion – as you can see, it’s only through enlightened case-taking that you can really see through to the core of the case. The patient’s asthma reflects his refusal to respond to the questions life places on him by making him dependent on respiration for life. In addition, his clear lack of sexual desire, obvious from the hangdog look in his eyes, is reflected in his asthmatic state, as his low vibration prevents him from participating fully in the joys life has to offer.
It’s so wonderful to be a homoeopath! I do thank Hahnemann daily for the generous gift of homoeopathy! Especially since my seminar on my new method, scheduled for tomorrow, already has 50 participants, prepaid!